I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
