He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
