i permit you to call me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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