You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
