I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had to coat check the pizza.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
