dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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