Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
