I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
