On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
