Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
