Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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