First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
