He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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