I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
