I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
