Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
