Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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