I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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