It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
