ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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