I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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