i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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