i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
