Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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