i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
