haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
