is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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