ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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