Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
