Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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