I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
