ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize