please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
