oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
