if i can run in heels then i can drive
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
