I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
