my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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