Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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