peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
