Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize