Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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