I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
