im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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