how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
