OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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