Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need a beard to bite.
COCAINE IS GR8
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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