I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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