just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
