how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were trust falling into bushes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
