and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
