you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
