Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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