whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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