I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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