never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
