I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
