Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Still dying that you shit outside
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
