U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
