she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
