now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
