At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
