no, he came in my armpit
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
