bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize