apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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