Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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