By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
